What’s really going On

I never could understand what it meant when people stood next to me and coughed. I think I have finally put the dots together. The Chinese got pissed when I told a Chinese woman I did not want to be screamed at across the street. I had just moved from Los Angeles to Oakland. From a big fn city to small town Oakland.
I had just learned how to use e mail.

I never realized in Chinese I was not supposed to do such things. And if I complained about her unprofessional behavior via website that was even worse. I did. This is America. Freedom of Speech. Dog. So I am the target of extermination. And you people out there who think my terrorization is about black on black wars or me against the advancement of people of color guess again. This is revenge killing. I remember when I boarded a bus to travel to Las Vegas Chinese man was there to see me off. Who started the lets take a picture of Charlette cook war? The Chinese.
I will bet a large number of Asians work at the social security in Las Vegas where all last year my checks went missing over two to three hundreds of dollars each month because the excuse was I was making premium payments on my hard earned Medicare. please. At the end of the year they gave back over 400 dollars accidentally too much. While I nearly aye some months.
You know after all we Americans feel it is okay to criticize another person. I feel I should not have to give up my life,or have a family member die because I was kept from living in the city they needed my care. It has been 15 years or more since I began making payments on my student loans and my ability to work has slid over the horizon. I did what I could and I was honest. Now they student loan lenders,are back trying to get my only means of income my American Social Security to pay back the money.
Are you kidding me?
I took a chance to upgrade my education to improve myself to not be this burden to America and up comes this group that has decided according to their culture I deserve death because I criticized one of theirs. What the heck!
I have taught myself amidst being stalked, chased,shunned, cut off from my family, isolated by abusers in an institution for recovering victims of abuse, the language of success. I have gone from not being able to talk to being aggressive to using open ended language to facilitate reasonable discussion. I taught myself to not only recognize where my anger is really coming from but I taught myself to overcome anger so that I could communicate, and still teaching myself how to communicate more effectively by identifying what is passive aggressive, what is manipulation, what language is narsiccistic in nature or what is assertive. I practice daily and work through my anger with those whose only goal is to annoy me. I have learned to identify what behavior constitutes a perpetuation of a cycle of violence aka abuse. I have learned to identify the language of potential abusers. I have learned to identify my place and participation in this abuse. I have changed my language to say this is what I would like to hear. I am able to identify male oppression in my daily living and courageously commit to it is not going to continue,not on my watch. This woman is free. I am whole and complete and no more parts or enmeshment or re organizing is necessary.
I am self determined and no Chinese justice is going to frighten me into submission, Nor rob me of my hard earned social security. Now this student assistance org wants me to join a program to repay my 19 year old debt but wouldn’t answer straight forward when or how much of my Social Security they would steal from me. I am thinking why give them 5 dollars a month only to let them in the door to take my social security from me later down the road. And then where would I be, on the streets where they want me. At 70 years old.
Not on my watch. I may not be part of ” The group” and at this point I am not impressed yet by the constant bickering among the groups about whose language usage is better. Because that is what I am seeing. I am not seeing we will all get along . If we change psychologically what English means to all of us who is writing this dictionary? Who?
Not you mofo.
It took me all these to come to love the strength of English,the creativity in use of English, the deep marvels of the various construction of sentences that can be interpreted as beneficial or malicious. It is wondrous, English is and I am not giving it up.
I have taught myself to empower myself without calling you names. Oh yes I took responsibility for my self, my own needs. What can you say has changed about you since you began to harrass me? Not much I will bet. Has your daily income increased? Not counting the homeless near by who make a buck or get a Arizona to annoy me. Did your personal relationship with your significant other improve since you joined the campaign to annoy Charlette cook? Maybe if you have been watching my woman power grow. As for those who do not pay attention you remain embedded in unhappiness. Well you had to be unhappy with your life in the first place to take part in attacking a total stranger. I was informed by my friend and psychoanalyst to look at the source. She told me they must be unhappy with their lives to put so much attention on yours. They are unwilling or too afraid to fix their problem so you have become the perfect scape goat. That knowledge has often helped me feel compassion for many of you. I see you. And say do they see themselves? Oh. So they are not as I am ,looking for the truth of who I am.
I found that I AM. Sometimes I live this vibration. Sometimes I don’t. I am like you an imperfect being.
However, I have found some steps to keep me the correct vibration, to ease away from your gaze and if unable to to spray you in the future with some great insights that might help you out there to find your real self power because trying to tear me down will not help you,not one bit.
I am whole and complete. I love me. I stand for something. I empower myself. I teach myself and I teach.
Namaste.

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